Can't Catch a Break: Round 2-One Day at a Time with Peter Julius
Good morning, and should I say good afternoon to Across the Seas? Welcome to Can't Catch a Break. I'm your host, Rizaga. I'm joined today by a new friend of mine. His name is Peter. He is Across the Seas. He is in Spain, right? And yeah, he is our first guest, and today we're going to talk all about sobriety. So hello, Peter. Welcome to Can't Catch a Break.
SPEAKER_02Thank you so much, and thank you so much for having me. Yes, I am actually I am based in Spain, just more precise, very close to Malaga, Ptolemolinos, the southern part of Spain.
SPEAKER_04Well, fancy pants. I love it. All right, why don't you tell our viewers a little bit about yourself before we get going?
SPEAKER_02Yes, of course. Well, as you probably can hear from my accent, I am not Spanish, I'm not English. However, I am Danish. Born in Denmark, in a very small village, no one knows. It's called Folibia. No one even knows it in Denmark. So I'm a country boy. And then, long story short, I actually been to America a few times, the big cities, New York, Miami, LA, San Francisco. I lived a few years in London.
SPEAKER_00Now I've been living 14 years in Spain.
SPEAKER_04But yeah, you're like a little jet setter. You've been all over the place. Which of all of those places was your favorite?
SPEAKER_02I mean, they all have you know favorite bits and pops, like we like to say here in Europe. Um, I do like New York a lot, Miami for the beaches, Copenhagen, where I had many of my youth years. Very good, very nice, safe city. I love Barcelona. I lived before. London is great for opportunities. I just don't like the weather. So I would say all the cities were thin. There's ups and downs, depending on what you really want in life. Now you want to be more relaxed. For sure, for sure.
SPEAKER_00And a peace and live by the ocean.
SPEAKER_04That is perfect. I you gotta love the beach, right? Um, very similar. So I grew up in Orange County, California, so right by the beach as well, and now nothing meets it. Here in or here in Chicago, everyone calls the lake, you know, the beach. Yes. But I am like, uh-uh. This is this is not a beach. I'm from California. This is not a beach, but you kind of just get used to it after you lived here for a little bit. Um so yeah, super exciting. Aside from you know, all of that. Let's uh tell a little bit more about yourself.
SPEAKER_02Well, basically, I'm 50 years old. I live here alone. I actually live with uh Beyoncé and Rihanna, which is very nice. Um, I should maybe say they're my cats, not the singers, just so we don't get into any illegal stuff along the way. So, yes, my cats, not the singers. And um, yeah, I usually I used to work a lot in uh in call centers here in Spain because that's a you can do that in having a foreign European language. And last month, actually six weeks ago, I had to resign because the urge of drinking actually came back. And my sobriety and my mental health is more important than having a corporate job who pays well.
SPEAKER_04100%, 100%. Um, and that's kind of what we're gonna dive into a little bit. So, what's your sobriety date?
SPEAKER_02Well, my my sobriety date is uh my first day of being sober is the 13th of September 2023. So coming up to three years very soon. I'm very excited about that. It's gonna be a celebration. Yes, thank you, thank you. I'm very proud of myself and I celebrate those milestones. You know, whatever is month by month and year by year, anything for a celebration.
SPEAKER_04One day at a time, right? One day at a time.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. One step at a time.
SPEAKER_04Perfect. So, what kind of you know, punches were you taking to kind of go on theme with you know our podcast that made you want to get sober?
SPEAKER_02Well, just to start with the beginning, um what really pushed me over the edge? It was the summer of 2023. In the beginning of the year, the first five months up to May, everything seemed to be perfect. You know, I had a boyfriend I thought I was gonna marry. I had a really good paying job, everybody was in good health. And then the 12th of May, I don't remember the date because that's my friend's birthday um in Denmark. Um I was very drunk. And I had my first and only drunk argument with the guy I was dating, and we've been dating for about four or five months. However, it was one of those you think, okay, this is the one I'm gonna marry. We had a drunken argument, and then the next day had I just got a WhatsApp message. There was no warning signs. We do not belong together, I don't love you, I don't want to see you, do not contact me. We are well, we're done.
SPEAKER_00And what do we do?
SPEAKER_02You know, we have another drink. I mean, I have always been a heavy drinker for like 10 years, been drinking a lot, and that just really pushed me over the edge. And I would just start drinking, and I was one big question mark, and like, what is going on? And I remember a few weeks later, my boss called us into um the office and he was like, the office is closing down, the Spanish office is gonna be closing, you're all gonna be fired. Wow. And I was like, wow, that was the thing that really kept me alive and keep going. A few weeks after that, this is a time period of six weeks until the end of June. The doctor called me from a hospital in Denmark. My mom had a stroke and blood clog in the brain, and she was numb in all of the left side of her body. So that really pushed me over the edge. I was like, what's the point of staying sober? You know, I I just continue drinking and I was drinking more and more and more because I don't have anybody who loves me, I thought, which I know now is a big life because I have friends and family. I lost my good job and I was about to lose my mom. So the drinking just went overboard. I would say towards August, September before I quit drinking, I was probably drinking around three to four bottles of wine daily. And I was always, always having at least a half bottle of wine before starting work in the morning. So yeah, and I could just see my body was starting to to stop working. I didn't have any energy, I didn't have any motivation for life. And to be honest, my my plan for the future was actually make as much money as I could in this job. And once I became unemployed, I will find a box down from the supermarket and see if I could live on the street with my cat.
SPEAKER_00That's how I only had Beyonce, the cat. Wow. That was my plan for the future.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna be living on the street because I didn't even think stop drinking or drink less and look for another job. I was like, what are you talking about? You want me to stop drinking? Are you crazy? You know, that's the only thing I have left. I thought. Right. And then luck luckily enough, um, in September I had a really good friend, Michaela, from Denmark. She was uh here on vacation, and she noticed I was drinking, and I looked, how can I say I look like a shit show. I actually have a photo. I know if you're listening, you're gonna probably not see, but if you are watching it, this is me, 2023.
SPEAKER_04You look very different than you do. You look great, you look great now. Yes.
SPEAKER_00Thank you, thank you, you too.
SPEAKER_02And she one night I went out, I was drunk, I was on drugs, I was being rude, I have no idea, I cannot remember. The only thing I do remember, I was in my apartment, I'm six foot three tall. I just remember I'm gonna fall. And I didn't use my hands to soften the fall. I landed on my forehead, and I was like, oh, that's hurt a little bit. Well, let's have another wine, you know. Oh, have some vodka. And then I was like, oh my god, I'm sweating. And I realized, Reese, I realized I was covered in blood. And my friend was like, My friend just came out of her the bedroom, I don't know, maybe two o'clock in the morning, no idea. And she was like, you know, when people call you by your full name, you know you're in trouble. She was like, Peter, Julius, Rabich, we need to talk.
SPEAKER_00And I was like, Yes. Right? Can you call you pick up a mouse?
SPEAKER_04I hate it. I hate I hate it. Even if they're just like Reese, I'm like, oh my god, what did I do?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was one of those. And the next morning I was like, no, I'm sleeping, no, I'm sleeping. And she's like, I know you're awake, and I'm like, no, I'm sleeping. And we had that we had that very uncomfortable conversation where we were just like, Peter, you need help. And I'm like, no, I got you under control. And she was like, Look at you, you got blood all over. There's blood everywhere, and you are shit show. I'm like, okay, yes. So we just booked an appointment with the doctor, and I started off with some um what's called I can't I got some pills to make you allergic for alcohol prescribed by the doctor.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_04And uh yeah, or something.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. And then my doctor, he was like, You need to cut down on your alcohol, only two glasses of wine. And I was like, What do you mean, two glasses? That's only half a bottle.
SPEAKER_04I mean, that's like how dare he.
SPEAKER_02How dare you say that to me? And I was like, it makes sense, absolutely makes sense. Obviously, I had to go to an A meeting, which happened to be just around the corner from where I'm living. I literally looked down at the church. And my first AA meeting, I was like, I thought this was supposed to be anonymous. I knew like half the people in that room. I'm like, I know you, you, you, and you.
SPEAKER_00And I was like, first of all, I don't belong here because you're all weird, you're all freaks, and you smell funny. I'm like, I'm all, I'm out of here. Then I was like, I kept going back.
SPEAKER_02And because I kept going back, I realized that those people in the room them and I, we had so many things in common. And then when I start listening to the stories, I was like, I don't know about that. That's a funny story. And then the further I kept coming back and going back and coming back, I actually got some good friends from AAA because we understand each other.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_00And they realize, you know, we are so alike because we have been going through the same journey. I would say the first two weeks it was really horrible for me.
SPEAKER_02I'm not gonna lie, for anybody who wants to get into surprises, just you know, do it, go to meetings, have a backup plan, get some phone numbers. The first two weeks I got the shakes, like you know, the heron addict you see on uh movies or whatever reality shows. And I cut those shakes. Yeah, I don't know. Did you have them Reese when you stopped drinking?
SPEAKER_04Oh my yes. Oh my god. So I don't think I've told you my sobriety story yet. Uh no. So I my sobriety date's February 28th, 2019. Um yeah, so we got we got some time under our belt. Uh I actually took my boards for the field that I'm in the day on the or no sorry, that's not my sobriety date. 28th is when I stopped drinking. Sobriety date's March 5th. So I took my boards on the 28th, and the day before on the 27th, I didn't have anything to drink. I got the biggest test of my life the following day. I'm not not even a beer, nothing. So I took my test with the shakes, throwing up, can't even like focus or anything, and still to this day, I cannot tell you how I passed that test going through a withdrawal while taking it. Then I came home, and that's when I knew I'm like, if I'm taking a test and didn't drink just for one one night and one night only, and I'm going through all the withdrawals right now, like yes, there was a problem. So I'm crying on the flight, coming to terms, like, yeah, I'm an alcoholic, and you know, I loved this flight attendant. She's like, Do you need a glass of wine? Like, are you okay? I'm like, yes, like this is probably the last time I'm gonna drink, so please yes, please. And so she just kept bringing them. I was like, you're a like great flight attendant. Um, but then I got home and checked into rehab, right? And checked into rehab a couple of days later, but the sh the shakes me were the worst. Like, I had to leave, like, in order to leave like your room for your Taz, you have to like raise your hand, they have to come stop your Taz, and then you have to go. So I called them so many times, and they're like, Are you okay? And I was like, No, I'm just really sick. Like, of course, of all of all days, like I think I have the flu. Like, I I don't know.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. You always have to do a bad sushi last night.
SPEAKER_04It's everyone's guilty. Like, yeah, I just got the flu. It's fine. Um, so yeah, then I checked myself into rehab, and you know, you definitely nailed it right on the head. Um, even when I went to like rehab and I started going to meetings and stuff, I was like, I know you, I know you, I know. You and I have a party together. Exactly. And they're like, What are you doing here? And my response is, what the heck are you doing here? Like, surprise.
SPEAKER_01I'm like, really? You are Chicho like me? Oh my god, we have so much in common. I've seen you on the streets.
SPEAKER_04Right. Right, exactly, exactly. Um and when I like told everyone I was getting sober, it was definitely more support than like anything. So I guess like my next kind of question for you is like kind of going on brand with our boxing theme. Like, who is in your corner? Who like supported you, who helped you, you know, get through, especially like your first 30 days, because those are always the hardest.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, the first 30 days were definitely the hardest. I mean, obviously the A meetings um was helping a lot. Uh, I also have a good friend who is a therapist doing hypnotherapy uh in London. Uh, so I chose to go that way also, because my belief, I think, a little bit different than most people have been told, even though I think my thinking is completely normal. Um, I believed like the drinking was a symptom, and that was not really the problem. So my therapist helped me to figure out what is actually the real problem, and it was like I did not feel I was good enough, I was loved enough, and I had enough confidence. So that was really my you know, my really big support. And then obviously I told friends uh who lives here uh in Ptolemolinos, um where I live now. I told my close friends, and I felt like it was really it was like coming out the closet again from being gay. Now I'm just like, hey, now I'm coming out as a being an alcoholic, and everybody was being so supportive. You know, do you need anything? You can always call us, and they were more supportive than ever. I did not tell everybody at once. It took me a couple of months, um, because I guess I need to, you know, really acknowledge myself, uh hey, I'm an alcoholic, I'm never gonna be able to have a drink again. Right. And then once I told my f my other friends in Denmark, my friends in London, my family, um, you know, the support had just been absolutely incredible. More than anything. I actually was it six months ago I went to the first wedding at Sober. And yeah, I thought it would be a challenge. I actually had a really good time, and I told the guests, I was sitting at the same table, never met them before, just being honest, hey, listen, no alcohol for me, so please, if my hand, you know, by automatic swings over to take a glass of wine, just remind me. And they're being so supportive all the time, making sure I had enough water, I had enough soft drink, so that was really good uh to do that. Um I always remember my first Christmas and New Year's as being sober. That was also that was a bit of a challenge.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_00I think I went to bed like 10 o'clock in the evening.
SPEAKER_04I was gonna ask that too. Like, you kind of nailed on the head, like your first wedding sober, your first Christmas sober, your first you know, Thanksgiving sober. Those are like always the hardest. That's awesome that you definitely had like your good friends and family, like they're supporting you along the way. I'm sure that meant a lot to you during during that time for sure. Do you think during you know that time you may have like lost some people from your support system that like you thought would have been there for you versus um not?
SPEAKER_02Yes, I have lost some uh I have lost some friends along the way, yes, and I realize those friends have not really been supportive of me uh or understanding my journey.
SPEAKER_00So unfortunately they had to Right, no, for sure.
SPEAKER_04Like, and similar here, like when I told people I was over like I can absolutely relate to you, it's like coming out of the closet, you know, once again, may have froze.
SPEAKER_00Um get you back.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it was definitely like kind of coming out of the closet again. And we had people that were supportive and people that weren't support supportive, but at the end of the day, it's all about you know the people that were supportive for you.
SPEAKER_00We may have some technical difficulties.
SPEAKER_04One second, we may have lost him. That's alright though, we can keep going. So, yeah, sobriety is definitely one of those things, uh, guys, that we don't, you know take very lightly. It's something that uh is definitely one of the biggest, biggest punches that you're ever gonna see and ever you're ever gonna feel for sure. For all those people that are out there and that are struggling for sure. Uh it's never too late to ask for help. It's never too late to ask for help. It's uh you could be in your if you're listening, you could be in your uh 50s, being in your 60s, hell, you can be in your 70s or even you know uh 13, 14, 15. It doesn't matter how old you are when you want to become sober. All that matters is is you want a better life for yourself. It's you want a uh I always like to say you get a fresh start once you become sober. And you know, kind of what Peter was saying once he joins back, uh joins us back here in a little bit. Um definitely some technical difficulties being overseas in the United States, but that's fine. Um you will definitely find out who's going to support you and who's not going to support you. You know, you might be around friends or family who love to socialize, um, who love to have parties and dinner parties and you know every single thing like that. But you know, your sobriety is going to be tested. And you know, definitely kind of following up what Peter was saying is once you have that like good niche of people, oh, we're getting back on. Um there we go. Now you're good. No, you're good. I was just telling our viewers and our listeners, kind of piggybacking off what you were saying. Is, you know, it doesn't matter how old you are when you want to get sober. It's you want a better life for yourself. And I was, you know, kind of saying, little piggybacking off again, where you're gonna have those friends and family who are all about it. You're gonna have all those friends and family who are gonna throw or have parties all the time or social events or anything like that. And it's more of a testament to like us and to you to like stay sober through all that, especially early on, um, and to have that super support system in place. Uh, when you were going first through it and stuff, did you get a sponsor? Do you still have a sponsor? Or um some people do, some people don't. Um, so it's just kind of curious as to what you what you do.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Um, like I said earlier, before my phone overheated and I'm on the computer, so apologies for that. I I don't have a sponsor. I don't have any sponsees, and I haven't done the 12 steps. Yes, and um I do know I'm powerless over drinking, and I have the amendments for the people I I have heard because I realize that is very important. Um so yeah. I haven't done any of that. I chose to to get a therapist instead and just work through my issues that way instead.
SPEAKER_04I you know, like and everyone does it differently. For me, like when I say probably the first couple of years, like I had a sponsor, did the meetings. Um shoot, I went to a meeting probably two to three times a week in my first two to three years. Um did a sponsor. I had two, three, maybe. Um just didn't work out from the beginning. Like a bunch of my friends that like I had known from you know my drinking days, who also then got sober, we kind of all had the same sponsor, so it was just like it was messy, I guess, in a sense you could say, where all of us are with the same sponsor. So I ended up getting one. I had him for about two, three years. Um, and he was one of probably was he's definitely one of the greatest sponsors that I had, and I still keep in touch with him to his to this day. Um and it, you know, the 12-steps aren't for everyone. I know a lot of people that just like stopped drinking and didn't go, you know, the 12-step route. And you know, I've been like I grew up Catholic, I go to church, you know, every now and then, but you know, there's those people sometimes, man, that will just like push and push and push the religious aspect of it. I know. And I'm like, that doesn't help me even in the slightest, to be quite honest with you.
SPEAKER_02No, then they're not too bad in my group, the religious stuff. That was one of the things I'm I mean, do I have a religion? I believe in something, and that was one of the things that scared me the most seeing that. I do believe that's something else. I just haven't figured out what it is yet.
SPEAKER_04For sure, like the higher power aspect of it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_04Um and it those can change those change all all the time. Like, oh my god, I've had I've had like 700 different higher powers that were I've had so many, I'm like, oh my gosh, like I've done it to where it would be going to church, or it would be like watching a TV show that was like super inspirational, or like I'm a really big housewise fan, and so all my viewers, yes, we all know that I'm a huge, like real housewise fan. So even seeing like, okay, these women are sober on TV being filmed, like if they can do it, I can do it. It's totally fine. Um, but now I wouldn't say it's you know, call the higher power. Like, I work with kids as a living, but I also sponsor a kid in Indonesia um through a church um kind of out here, you know, send the money every couple like every month to make sure he gets food, water, supplies, and everything that he needs. He's he's starting cute. And we have the same birthday, which is even cooler. Yeah. Um, so right now that's like my I would guess higher power or like a reason to stop, like I'm you know, supporting a kid. That's what you gotta do, right?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Um I'm trying to think, you know, what else? When you were now that you're almost three years in, is there anything that you think you would have done differently when you first got sober or wish you would have done?
SPEAKER_02Um well, I wish someone told me I was got getting the shakes the first two weeks. And I wouldn't really have done anything differently, I think. The only thing I really noticed after the one and a half year mark, something changed in me. Something like clicked in my mind. Like I can't quite explain what it is. It's like this is just your new life, and now this is how you're gonna live. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with I cannot have a drink again. Right. That is still, of course, like probably like you have reason, you know, now is summer and you see people with a nice beer or a glass of wine or cocktails. Oh, I wish you're gonna have one of those, and then we're like, no, I can't, because wouldn't that be nice, right? Yeah, I just know I cannot stop with one drink. And I'm like to admire people who can I'm like, you get so lucky because you just have one or two beers and then okay, that's it. I'm done for the day. I'm like, what you have to drink to your blackout, otherwise you're not drinking. It's like what's what's the point? What's the point? Yeah, uh I mean what it would yeah, no, I mean what really worked for me was going to the A meetings. I haven't been to as many as you uh and then get a therapist. That's really what what helps me a lot just to dig a bit deeper, and that's also why I do therapy now, to help people uh have a better understanding of themselves because I believe understanding is power, and once you understand, you can let go.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_02So that's very important, I believe.
SPEAKER_04Oh, for sure. And I love the therapy aspect. There's always a there's so there's some like stigma that I see around with people in therapy, they're like, oh no, I can't go to therapy. That means I like failed at life, or you know, people that go to therapy are this, that, and the other. And I'm like, Y'all are, you know, excuse me my friends, y'all are fucked up. Like, that's why you need therapy if that's like what your mentality is. It's the complete opposite. And I like I haven't been to a meeting probably since year five, so it's been like two years, but I'm like you, dove straight right into therapy, and I see you know, therapists weekly, sometimes two or three times a week, depending on what it is. And everything works forever. So, you know, everyone out there who's like, oh yeah, therapy's this, therapy's that. No, therapy's a godsend. Therapy has saved many people's lives. It definitely has saved, you know, it's a checkout, you know, what's going on.
SPEAKER_02That's it.
SPEAKER_04Exactly. Exactly. It's definitely, you know, saves you and I from jumping off a cliff. Um and you know, getting back into drinking. So it's absolutely worth it.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah, you know, you go to the dentist to get your teeth checked once a year. You go and get, you know, the mechanic to check your car is okay. You can spend money on all of that. How about spending a little in here? You know, your life will be so much easier, so much more at peace. I mean, my therapist, uh I called her, I mean, we're friends also, but at least like every six months, I'm like, hey Bina, can we just have a little talk? Because this is bothering me. And then we talk for an hour, and then okay, I feel much better. Let's go out, enjoy life.
SPEAKER_04Simple as that. No, for sure. I I love and you know, I found my fair share of therapists between, you know, different states that I lived in and the one that I've got now, as are just like you, like you find that one person, right, to where it's just like you've got that bond, you've got that relationship, they know your skeletons. Yeah. And like definitely like you nail it right on the head for everyone that's listening, like, once you find that right person that you can talk to, whether it's just like you found you got your dentist, you got your mechanic, exactly what you're saying. Once you find that therapist, you know it sticks and it works, right? Um, and you know, before I wrap up here, I guess one of my final questions for you is if you were think of yourself, you know, almost three years ago and from where you are now, what would you tell yourself? And I love how you're like laughing, you're like, oh crap, I knew who was gonna ask that question.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, I was just like, I wish I knew how to stop drinking because sometimes I do miss the drinking, and I know I can have a good time. I'm still going out with my friends to bars. I don't go to clubs, then I'm too old for that, I believe. It's not my thing. I'm in bed by 11. If I just wish when to stop, like have one or two glasses of wine or beers, and then that's it. I wish I have known that earlier and not escalated.
SPEAKER_04No, for sure. What about for you know everyone else there? Like if you were, you know, say the host of a podcast or you're doing a TED Talk or, you know, a lecture or anything, like what would you tell other people out there? You probably don't know if they're struggling or anything, but what would you tell, you know, anyone out there about, you know, recovery and sobriety and everything like that? Like what do you want to give like what do you want other people listening to take away from it?
SPEAKER_02I was other people definitely, you know, isn't an investment in yourself, you know, to invest in your mental health, to invest in your health, your physical body health. And just because something might be broken right now, it can be fixed. And it's important to know you and also you are not alone. You are not alone, absolutely not. So if you think that's something wrong or your friends are telling you, listen. And definitely listen to your body and your gut feeling burst. You will know if you're drinking too much.
SPEAKER_04No, for sure. I think that is the perfect way to end this episode. I want to thank Peter and everyone out there for tuning in and listening. And then we will see you guys all next week for another episode of Can't Catch a Break. Yes. Thank you for having me. All right, thank you, Peter. Of course, of course.